Funny Golf Quotes [45 Great Lines]

The game of golf is a funny one. Quite often, the best way to enjoy it is to simply have a laugh.

With that said, here’s a few of the funniest golf quotes out there from some of the greatest players to ever play the game to stars of stage and screen.

45 Of The Funniest Golf Quotes

“You can talk to a fade but a hook won’t listen.” – Lee Trevino

“The most rewarding things you do in life are often the ones that look like they cannot be done.” – Arnold Palmer

“If you watch a game, it’s fun. If you play it, it’s recreation. If you work at it, it’s golf.” – Bob Hope

“If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt.” – Dean Martin

“Golf is a game of inches. The most important are the six inches between your ears.” – Jack Nicklaus

“The harder you work, the luckier you get.” – Gary Player

“Always throw your clubs ahead of you. That way you don’t have to waste energy going back to pick them up.” – Tommy Bolt

“These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow.” – Sam Snead

“The first time I played the Masters, I was so nervous I drank a bottle of rum before I teed off. I shot the happiest 83 of my life.” – Chi Chi Rodriguez

I play golf with friends sometimes, but there are never friendly games.” – Ben Hogan

“My swing is so bad I look like a caveman killing his lunch.” – Lee Trevino

“Happiness is a long walk with a putter.” – Greg Norman

“I never wanted to be a millionaire. I just wanted to live like one.” – Walter Hagen

“Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at.” – Jimmy Demaret

“Golf is a game in which you yell ‘fore,’ shoot six, and write down five.” – Paul Harvey

“Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. You get bad breaks from good shots; you get good breaks from bad shots – but you have to play the ball where it lies.” – Bobby Jones

“If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.” – Lee Trevino

No matter how good you get, you can always get better — and that’s the exciting part.” – Tiger Woods

“That ball is so far left, Lassie couldn’t find it if it was wrapped in bacon.” – David Feherty

“That’s a great shot with that swing.” – David Feherty

“Golf is an open exhibition of overweening ambition, courage deflated by stupidity, skill soured by a whiff of arrogance.” – Alistair Cooke

“To find a man’s true character, play golf with him.” – P.G. Wodehouse

“Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.” – John Updike

“The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.” – Billy Graham

“I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators.” – Gerald Ford

“Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.” – P.J. O’Rourke

“The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing.” – Phyllis Diller

“My golf score seems to improve considerably when I have the score card.” – Bob Hope

“You know you’re on the Senior Tour when your back goes out more than you do.” – Bob Bruce

“Golf is a game in which you yell ‘fore,’ shoot six, and write down five.” – Paul Harvey

“I’ve spent most of my life golfing. The rest I’ve just wasted.” – Unknown

“They call it golf because all the other four-letter words were taken.” – Raymond Floyd

“The only thing a golfer needs is more daylight.” – Ben Hogan

“Golf is a game in which the ball lies poorly, and the players well.” – Unknown

“I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone’s golf game: It’s called an eraser.” – Arnold Palmer

“The only sure rule in golf is: He who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie.” – Mickey Mantle

“Swing hard in case you hit it.” – Dan Marino

“Golf’s three ugliest words: Still your turn.” – Dave Marr

“The best wood in most amateurs’ bags is the pencil.” – Chi Chi Rodriguez

“Why am I using a new putter? Because the last one didn’t float too well.” – Craig Stadler

“Golf is a fascinating game. It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I can’t play it.” – Ted Ray

“I don’t fear death, but I sure don’t like those three-footers for par.” – Chi Chi Rodriguez

“Missing a short putt does not mean you have to hit your next drive out of bounds.” – Henry Cotton

“If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.” – Jack Lemmon

“The mind messes up more shots than the body.” – Tommy Bolt

“It’s good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.” – Mark Twain

“Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.” – Jim Bishop